How to Choose the Right Dating Strategy for You

Meta Title: Dating Strategy: Stop Chasing, Start Choosing Wisely

Meta Description: Discover the dating strategy that matches your values and attract emotionally available partners without chasing or settling.

For years, I searched for the “right” dating strategy.

Should I be more patient? More understanding? More feminine? More direct? More vulnerable? More forgiving? More mysterious? (Apparently, according to the internet, I was also supposed to text exactly 2.7 business days later while facing north.)

The advice was endless.

The problem? Most of it assumed there was one universal formula for finding love.

I don’t believe that’s true anymore.

I believe the best dating strategy is the one that aligns with who you are, what you’ve healed, what you value, and what you’re genuinely willing to experience in a relationship.

There Is No Universal Dating Strategy

One of the biggest mistakes I see is people trying to follow someone else’s blueprint.

You’ll hear things like:

• “Relationships take hard work.”
• “Nobody is perfect.”
• “Just communicate better.”
• “You need to fight for love.”

Sometimes that’s true.

Sometimes it isn’t.

For some people, learning healthy relationship communication is exactly what they need. They may have found someone who is emotionally available, committed and willing to grow, but both partners simply need better communication skills.

For others, they’re trying to build intimacy with someone who repeatedly avoids conversations, breaks promises, disappears emotionally or never truly invests in the relationship.

Those are two completely different situations.

Yet they’re often given the exact same advice.

At Some Point, I Stopped Wanting to Teach Someone How to Love Me

I’ve reached a stage in my life where I have absolutely no interest in convincing someone to become the partner I need.

I don’t want to beg.

I don’t want to chase.

I don’t want to corner someone into having a conversation.

I don’t want to explain—again—why communication matters.

I don’t want to negotiate basic respect.

That doesn’t make me “too much.”

It simply means I’ve become very clear about the type of relationship I want to build.

There was a time when I believed if I explained myself just a little better, my partner would finally understand me.

If I was patient enough…

If I loved enough…

If I communicated perfectly…

Surely things would change.

Sometimes they do.

But often, we’re asking someone to become a completely different person.

Is Trying to Change Someone Really Acceptance?

This is a question I often ask myself.

If we’re constantly hoping someone will eventually become more emotionally available…

More communicative…

More affectionate…

More reliable…

Are we actually accepting them?

Or are we hoping they’ll become someone else?

I know that can feel uncomfortable to hear because our culture often celebrates “never giving up.”

But there’s another perspective.

Sometimes acceptance means accepting that someone isn’t wrong.

They’re simply wrong for you.

Maybe This Relationship Is Your Lesson

Here’s where I differ from a lot of dating advice.

I don’t believe every relationship should end the moment it becomes difficult.

Sometimes you’re meant to experience the push-pull dynamic.

Sometimes you’re meant to date an avoidant partner.

Sometimes you’re meant to stay long enough to recognise your own patterns.

Those experiences can become powerful teachers.

I certainly learned from mine.

Without those relationships, I wouldn’t have developed the boundaries I have today.

I wouldn’t recognise what genuine compatibility feels like.

I wouldn’t have become so clear about my values.

So I don’t shame anyone for staying.

I don’t shame anyone for leaving either.

They’re simply different journeys.

What If Healthy Love Already Exists?

One belief I refuse to let go of is this:

Healthy relationships exist.

I’ve seen them.

I’ve worked with couples who genuinely enjoy communicating.

Who apologise.

Who repair.

Who choose each other.

Who don’t make every disagreement feel like an Olympic sport.

They’re not perfect.

They still disagree.

But there’s alignment.

There’s willingness.

There’s emotional availability.

Instead of constantly pushing and pulling each other, they have discussions.

That’s a very different energy.

“You Can’t Find Someone Exactly Like You”

People tell me this all the time.

“You’ll never find someone who values everything you value.”

Really?

If I consistently show up with honesty…

Integrity…

Communication…

Emotional responsibility…

Curiosity…

Growth…

Why wouldn’t I eventually meet someone doing exactly the same?

Perhaps the bigger question is this:

Do I genuinely believe I deserve that?

Because our beliefs quietly influence our dating strategy.

If deep down we believe healthy love isn’t available, we’ll often settle for less than we’re asking for.

Stop Comparing Your Journey

Yesterday I saw two completely different couples.

From the outside, both relationships appeared to work.

People talked about them as success stories.

But as I listened, I realised something.

I don’t want their relationship.

I don’t want their lifestyle.

I don’t want their dynamic.

So why would I use them as my benchmark?

We compare far too much.

We collect opinions from podcasts, social media, dating coaches, friends, family and strangers who somehow become relationship experts after surviving three awkward first dates.

Meanwhile, the person whose opinion matters most quietly waits in the background.

You.

The answers you’re searching for aren’t always outside of you.

Often they’re already within you.

Solitude Is Also a Choice

This is something we rarely celebrate.

Not everyone needs to be in a relationship.

Sometimes solitude is healthier than forcing compatibility.

Personally?

I’m genuinely happy by myself.

That doesn’t mean I’ve given up on love.

It simply means I’m no longer willing to sacrifice peace for partnership.

The right relationship should add to my life—not become a full-time renovation project.

Ask Yourself These Questions

Before following anyone else’s dating advice, ask yourself:

• What kind of relationship do I genuinely want?
• What behaviours are non-negotiable?
• Am I trying to change someone instead of accepting who they are?
• Do I believe emotionally available partners exist?
• Am I settling because I’m afraid of being alone?
• Does my current dating strategy actually reflect my values?

The answers may surprise you.

My Approach as a Therapist

As a psychotherapist, relationship therapist and dating coach, I don’t believe there’s one perfect dating strategy for everyone.

Together, we explore your attachment patterns, relationship history, boundaries, communication style and personal values to discover what healthy love looks like for you. My goal isn’t to convince you to stay or leave—it’s to help you make choices that feel aligned with the life and relationship you truly want to create.

If you’d like support on your journey, explore my Dating & Relationship Coaching, Attachment Style Therapy, Communication Coaching, or Couples Therapy services. You can also return to the Love Empowerment Clinic Home Page to discover more articles and resources, including Wholeness Attracts Wholeness, Kind but Firm: Communicate Like a Power Couple, and Why Setting Healthy Boundaries Is the Key to Relationships & Growth?

Final Thoughts

The world will always have opinions about how you should date.

Some people will tell you to fight harder.

Others will tell you to leave sooner.

Some will say compromise is everything.

Others will say never settle.

Perhaps they’re all right—for themselves.

Your journey is your own.

Whether your path involves learning through difficult relationships, waiting for deeper alignment, or choosing solitude for a season, none of those choices are inherently right or wrong.

The best dating strategy isn’t about following someone else’s rules.

It’s about becoming so clear on your values that your choices begin to reflect them.

And when that happens, you stop chasing relationships that require convincing.

You start choosing relationships that already speak your language.

Explore other articles, books and online courses. Or work with me, explore my services on the Home Page. Book your FREE 15min phone consult.