I Found Terrible Dating Advice Online — Here’s What You Should Actually Do

The dating advice online right now is wild.

I recently stumbled across an account and company called Black Cat Academy, run by a digital creator who positions herself as a dating and mindset coach. Her content goes viral — and I can see why. It speaks directly to women who have been hurt, disappointed, ghosted, breadcrumbed, and emotionally drained by dating.

But just because something is popular doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

A lot of the advice being shared falls under what I’d call terrible dating advice — the kind that sounds empowering on the surface, but quietly teaches emotional disconnection, avoidance, and game-playing instead of real relationship communication.

And that’s where I want to step in — not as a social media coach, but as a relationship therapist who actually sits with couples and women dealing with the aftermath of this stuff.

The Problem With “Never Be Vulnerable” Dating Advice

One of the core messages I keep seeing is this:

“Women shouldn’t be vulnerable with men.”

Apparently, vulnerability makes you weak, undesirable, or easy to manipulate.

Here’s the thing — vulnerability without boundaries can absolutely lead to hurt and it’s actually called naivety. But no vulnerability at all leads to emotional distance, mistrust, and surface-level intimacy.

When we avoid vulnerability completely, we often end up in:

• emotionally avoidant relationships

• transactional dynamics

• constant power struggles

• partners who never really know us

That’s not empowerment — that’s self-protection turned into self-abandonment.

If you want to understand how healthy openness actually works, I’ve written more about this in my online course on emotional vulnerability in relationships. It’s called “Regain a Spark in a Relationship” but it talks about a range of communication strategies, how to be in a relationship and overcome sexual and general struggles.

“Don’t Talk About Jealousy” – Really?

Another piece of advice floating around is:

“Never talk about jealousy with your partner.”

As if jealousy is a moral failure rather than a human emotion.

Jealousy doesn’t automatically mean control or insecurity — it often points to:

• unmet needs

• fear of abandonment

• past relational wounds

• unclear boundaries

When we silence jealousy instead of communicating it, we don’t become confident — we become disconnected.

This is where relationship communication tips grounded in psychology matter more than catchy slogans. If you’re curious, you can explore how I work with couples on communication through my relationship counselling services.

The Myth That “All Men Are the Same” – and is a terrible dating advice

This one really grinds my gears.

The idea that:

• all men will look

• all men will flirt

• all men will betray if given the chance

…might feel validating after heartbreak, but it keeps women stuck in hyper-vigilance rather than secure attachment.

When we expect harm, we unconsciously choose partners who confirm it.

That’s not your fault — but it is something we can change.

I talk a lot about this pattern in my work around attachment styles and dating, especially the avoidant vs secure attachment dynamic.

Why This Advice Creates Avoidant Relationships

Much of this online advice encourages women to:

• withdraw when upset

• stay emotionally distant

• withhold communication

• “match energy” instead of expressing feelings

In therapy, we call this avoidant relating.

And while it might feel safer in the short term, it often creates:

• emotionally unavailable partnerships

• confusion and resentment

• lack of intimacy

• relationships that never deepen

If you’ve ever thought, “Why does dating feel like a performance instead of a connection?” — this is why.

What Actually Works Instead

Here’s the part I really want you to hear, friend 💗

1. Honest Communication

Clear, calm communication builds trust — not silence, not tests, not disappearing acts.

You can learn more about this in my post on healthy relationship communication.

2. Boundaries Without Games

Boundaries are powerful when they’re stated — not when they’re hidden behind mystery or punishment.

3. Safe Vulnerability

Vulnerability doesn’t mean oversharing — it means being emotionally honest with the right person at the right pace.

4. Secure Attachment Skills

Secure relationships aren’t about who cares less — they’re about two people who can regulate emotions, communicate needs, and repair conflict.

How This Connects to My Work as a Therapist

As a couples and relationship therapist, I work with women who are tired of strategies that keep them guarded, anxious, or emotionally shut down.

My role isn’t to teach you how to “win” at dating — it’s to help you build emotionally safe, secure, and connected relationships that don’t rely on pretending, performing, or protecting yourself 24/7.

Explore other articles, books and online courses. Or work with me, explore my services on the Home Page. Book your FREE 15min phone consult.