Internal Family Systems Therapy

Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) is a wonderful way to connect to your inner child and to reparent yourself. With the principles of IFS I teach people how to create internal dialogues and to make sense of their emotions. Emotional understanding and processing are the most important skills because they affect every area of your life. I teach people a healthy mindset, negotiating with and around their feelings. Concepts of IFS can be sometimes difficult to grasp that’s why I begin with simple psychotherapy and explain more about IFS during the sessions. I guide meditative exercises for my clients so they to incorporate IFS into their daily routines and to connect them to their subconscious minds. Being able to make sense of your feelings and finding compassion towards yourself is crucial if you want to have a fulfilling life and relationships. I often incorporate IFS into couples’ therapy as well so that my clients can get to know their partner on a deeper level as well. This modality can help people with trust issues, relationship, and marital issues, grief, anxiety, depression, sexual problems, issues with boundaries, and low levels of self-esteem. It also helps to better communication, to understand your feelings better, and to live a healthier life. It can also help people to change their problematic behaviors quit their addictions and decrease their urges. It also helps my clients to discover their sexual identity. I also use this technique during couple’s therapy and marriage counseling. That helps the partners to understand each other’s emotions better and to communicate better around sexual problems, sexual dysfunctions, mismatched libido and dealing with parenting.

Have a look at the Wheel of Parts. This is your inner system of different aspects of yourself. People as spiritual, loving, rational, and deeply thinking beings are composed of various parts. We can have fun, loving, and creative parts but also critical, sad, and hurt parts. We are a creation composed of factors such as upbringing, social interactions, biology, psychological states, individual wants, and needs, feelings, thoughts, and unique experiences.

At the core of us, there is always the Self, the main component of us as people.

The Self is our core value, it’s a compassionate leader which brings the best in us. However, there are also different parts that are not as resilient and strong. Exiles are our hurt parts, perhaps some traumatic experiences which may threaten the system.

Exiles are kept away for protection and are guarded by the Mangers and Firefighters. Firefighters are more physical and external in nature. They are the distractions that keep us from visiting the Exiled parts, they can be destructive.

Managers on the other hand want to help us do good and regain power over our life. Those are all the controlling and self-critical thoughts that come to your mind. They want to protect us from falling and getting hurt.

Even though Managers what is best for our internal system they are not healthy in a long run. They make us feel insecure, inadequate, and worthless. Managers and Firefighters and like bandaid solution to our Exile problem.

The best and long-term solution is to reconnect with the Self, talk to your Managers and Exiles to establish what are their needs. Soothing and understanding the Exiles can permanently solve your problems. When the Exile will understand that they are not under threat anymore and that they do not need to feel hurt or insecure they stop being a threat to the system. Manages can then release the Exiles and those subsystems are no longer needed. You can focus on being your true Self!

Think about some situations in your life that bring on a strong reaction. Here are some ways to clarify the parts that are having this reaction.

• What feelings go with this reaction?
• Where do you feel it in your body?
• What are the thoughts that go with this reaction? What would this part like to say?
• Allow an image to form in your mind that would represent this part. What would it look like?

You can also become aware of your primary parts by observing yourself as you go through your daily life. Observe and note:

• What situations active the part?
• What feelings and actions accompany these parts?
• What functions do these parts have?
• How are they trying to help you?
• How do those around you react when you are in the part?
• How do you feel afterward?
• Are there any other parts that later react to these parts having expressed themselves?

If you think of parts as helpers, you might notice that you have several of the following types of parts and you might note them:

• Parts that help you get things done
• Parts that help you know and assert your needs
• Parts that help you relax, play and have fun