Anxiety, Mindfulness, Sexual Therapy, Therapy

Secrets of Tantra

Tantric Sex

The idea behind it is to cherish each other’s bodies in an act of sex. Tantra entails that lovers are perceived as Gods by one another. The sacred act of connection is created by the closeness of the souls. Tantra puts a higher value on sex and sexuality rather than a western culture which can be diminishing them to an expression: ‘self-gratification’. Current society is still not fully open to the idea of sexuality as a spiritual experience. Even though the sexual revolution has come and we live in an era of liberation, sex can be still a taboo topic. On the other hand, it can also be brought down to just the act of ‘fucking’ and not caring about the other person which is promoted by the ‘hook-up culture” in which we live in.

Tantra is on a higher level of understanding of sex and sexuality. Sex is supposed to be a connecting and spiritual event that you can cherish. Tantric lovers are very focused on pleasing their partner, on connection and pleasure. Orgasm, erection, and intercourse are not put on a pedestal like in typical western views.

Tantric Ritual

In tantra, lovers would often start the act with a ritual. If you want to include that in your practice think about what could be a good idea for you as a couple. Perhaps a nice massage? Feeding each other fruit? Looking into each other’s eyes?

This type of a start can assert the importance of the upcoming event.

Full Body Orgasm

It comes from unlocking your sexual energy from your pelvis onto the rest of your body. To achieve it you need to focus on your breathing and relaxation of muscles. We often tend to squeeze our muscles when having sex and lock the sensations and energy there. By normalising our breath and focusing on sensations, and relaxing muscles we allow sexual energy to float around our body. It may take longer to climax but it will be a different experience for you as the sexual energy will stay within you instead of simply unloading it in a short intense orgasm.

During sex try to relax your pelvic muscles and control the flowing energy with your breath so you can last for longer, and increase the sensations. When you approach the climax slowly and with the relaxation you will be able to experience this out-of-the-body sensation.
It could be quite a novelty for men because their orgasms tend to be quick and strong and when the ejaculation happens the sexual energy is gone and with it the ecstasy and excitement. Did you ever hear yourself or your partner say ‘ok, now I need to sleep’ and then just roll over? Tantra allows you to preserve and enjoy this energy which is usually lost. People explain it as fulfilling and accelerating.

How to Act in the Bedroom?

It’s best if both of you are on the same page while performing tantric sex. It can be a bit confusing if you are breathing in a different way than usual at first. However, if you are an experienced tantric lover it will be easy for you to swiftly control your body so you won’t be as concerned about how you are viewed by your partner.

First of all, try to normalise your breath. Make it calm and regular, use your belly rather than the chest to breathe just like during meditation. Locate the sexual tension in your body. A lot of it might be locked in your pelvis because those muscles are close to your genitals. When you feel your muscles tightening try to relax them with every breath that you take. You will feel your sexual energy dispersing around your body. Keep repeating this process during lovemaking. Focus on your sexual energy flowing, and follow the tingling sensations.

If some thoughts or feelings come to you perform a process that I also recommend during meditation and mindfulness. When they come try to capture them in a bubble and give them a brief moment on a stage so that they can give you a message that they carry. (what is the purpose of a certain thought or a feeling?).

Then do a simple classification:

Is it a Thought or a Feeling?

Is it Positive / Negative or Neutral?

Is it Judging you or Not Judging you?

Then release this visitor, and you can watch that bubbe float away from you.
It’s ok if thoughts and feelings come back, just use the same process. It is a great practice and the more you do it the easier it gets.

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