Sexual Therapy

Get to Know Your Partner!

It is normal to be concerned about your love life as it is a major part of our life as human beings. All of us crave to be loved and appreciated. The greatest gift which you can offer to your partner not only on Valentine’s but throughout the relationship is the motivation to make this relation as amazing as it can get. Your will to pursue your partner even in a long-term relationship has so much value!
People think that when we ‘lock some in’ the work is done and we can finally just enjoy but it can’t be further from the truth. Love and relationships are like a garden. If you stop watering it and getting rid of the weeds it will become ugly and unenjoyable. But if you regularly give it attention and your heart it will thrive and it will be amazing to just be in.
To have the motivation is a great start. When you find it within yourself what should you do?!

 

 

When you have this strong foundation of motivation and are prepared for the challenge.

Your first step should be getting to know your partner in a deeper manner. We often lock ourselves in because of past negative experiences and heartbreaks. Or we think what we talk about or do is enough. In fact, I would recommend setting a weekly date to talk about your relationship, future plans, and both of you as people. If you can make time make it on 2 dates! One dedicated to discussions and a second one just to have fun. However, the first one is definitely more important.

Very often we fail to ask our partners crucial questions especially when it comes to sexuality.

‘Sex is something that you just do and do not talk about’ – kind of an approach can be very limiting for your sex life.

Sample Questions to Ask Your Partner (Sexuality)

  • What do you want from sex? 
  • What does it mean to you? 
  • What are early messages about sex, intimacy, and relationships did you get in your household as a child? 
  • Were emotions and intimacy displayed openly in your house when you were young?
  • What ideas do you have about sex and sexuality? (think of word connections that come up for you)
  • What do you like/dislike during sex? 
  • What is your preferred sexual script (step by step in the bedroom)? 
  • Would you like to explore other scripts, accessories, fantasies? and what exactly?
  • What is your favourite fantasy? 
  • What do you love about your partner? 
  • What turns you on in your partner (when they cook? when they fix their hair?)?
  • When are you the most desirous/aroused?
  • When is the best time for you to have sex?
  • What is your favourite position/place to have sex?
  • What is the kinkiest thing that you did?
  • If you masturbate, what do you think about?
  • What do you think about when we have sex? (apart from me)
  • How can I improve in bed?

Sample Questions (General)

  • What does your family think about me?
  • What was the last time you felt loved by me?
  • What did you think about me when we first met?
  • What is my most attractive trait/body part?
  • When was the last time you didn’t feel loved by me?
  • How can I improve my affection displays for you?
  • How do you like to be shown love? (physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts)
  • How do I like to be shown love? (physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts)
  • What do you think you could improve in your patterns of communication?
  • What do you think I should improve in my patterns of communication?
  • What does commitment mean to you?
  • What would you do with your life if money was not an issue?
  • What would you do if it was the last week of your life?
  • What is the thing that I have always wanted to do/experience but still haven’t done?
  • What is your greatest strength and greatest weakness? Give examples.
  • Where do you see us in 5 years?
  • What is your greatest fear?
  • What is your greatest drive in life?
  • When do you feel most connected with me?
  • What is your greatest insecurity?
  • What is your favourite memory of us?
  • What is your least favourite memory of us?
  • Why do you love me?
  • Tell your most embarrassing story from childhood.
  • Tell your most embarrassing story from adulthood.

Go Deeper!

Do not settle for a shallow connection. Really get to know your partner and who they are at the core. Their values, dreams, and drives.

This can help you to determine how you can make your relationship work, improve it and genuinely enjoy it.

Or this type of approach can also help you understand that this person may not be the best partner for you. It may sound a bit scary but, honestly, would you rather find that out 5 years in or early on?

Realistically I would choose now because when you adjust your life to your partner and this person is very familiar it is much harder to leave than early on in the relationship.

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